Spinning wheels while stuck in mud

OK, I realize I said I'd post up pictures for my last post, I will get around to it, but in the meantime I need to get this off of my chest.

My work, while rewarding in terms of how I feel about my work, doesn't seem to be viewed in the same way by my supervisors.

I work with 2 supervisors (they will remain anonymous) and we had a meeting today about my ability to focus, and while most people know me who visit my blog, focus... is not one of my strong points. But anyway, they talked to me about things that I did (like browse the net or watching a video) and things I don't do (like start a huge DS game of Tetris, and apparently distract EVERYONE at work) which I'm getting blamed for anyway.

I'll own up for stuff I'm doing, and thats fine, I do all that stuff in moderation though. The stuff I DON'T do and get blamed for.. wow that REALLY ticks me off!

Perfect example, today we got retakes to do of an old episode we had finished, I had about 30 scenes, but I only got 2 retakes to do. That of which I thought was pretty good. So I do my retakes, and a couple of guys around the office started a game of Tetris DS. So I decide to hop on for a game. So as we're playing, one of my supervisors comes over and says "OK guys get back to work" So I shut off my system and then began to turn around when I hear him say " What, you think this is a joke?" I think someone must have been laughing, but I had put my system down at this point and turned back to my work. about 30 minutes later, I get dragged into that meeting where he pins the blame on me for laughing and that I was responsible for all of that. and this isn't the first time it's happened where I've been singled out. It feels demeaning, to a point where it's almost discriminatory. And I've had just about as much as I can take.

On top of that, I have my other supervisor who knows me from school and I'm sure they've talked amongst each other (the other supervisors) about what I did in school which only works against me. I'm not the most concentrated guy, but everyone is different and it just seems almost like their weeding me out. The other supervisor also works as a teacher at an education institute here in Vancouver, and I can't help but feel like I've got this student teacher type association/ relation with him. and to top it off, since he knows about how I was in school that only means that he's more watchful to what I do during the work day making it feel even MORE like I'm in school, and no I'm not talking University or College, this is High School all over again.


This is kind of 1/2 way into the ice burg of the situation, but I understand that I can do better and will work hard to be better at my job and focus more so I can do better quality work. But what do you do when you think your doing good quality work, you ask all your co-workers how your work is and they say it looks good. You send your stuff in and of a majority of your scenes, none(or only 2 to be specific) come back for major retake work. Yet... your boss can talk your ear off about how my work sucks...

it makes it seem so futile to try harder, but I have to. Not for them but myself. Tomorrow I'm going to talk with one of them so I can get them out of my hair and off my back for a while, the other I'll just have to become a yes man. I am still new to this industry, and I understand I have a long way to go. But the last thing I want to have happen is become bitter in animation which will kill any motivation to want to pursue this field further. And while it seems like the world wants to conspire against me getting into this industry, I'll show myself, and I'll show them exactly why I've come to try so hard to work in this industry in the first place. But I'll do it my way and give it my all.

And now for something completely different!

(Note: pictures will be posted later of stuff.. but in the meantime, the post)

Well it's the 4Th of April and the first time in a while that I've posted something at the beginning of the month. Yup... that's a fact ladies and gentlemen reading this!

Spring is here! well sort of it's still cool outside but with less rain, thank god. I've gotten accustom to rain since I moved out here but man we had it raining and overcast for 3 weeks or something it was pretty miserable.

Any who, I always make it a habit of reading my last post before I post something new and looking back at last post... whoa it was heavy, but accurate to how I felt at the time. So as the title says, it's time for something... completely different.. (If you don't know the reference to Monty Pythons, I suggest you educate yourself on British comedy gold)

Anyway, news news news.. well I'm really busy at work, I've gone up from 1200 to 1800 frames this episode, next episode it'll be 2000 and I plan to see how high I can get with the 2 episodes remaining in Grossology (show I'm working on, it's on YTV and Discovery Channel... I think...)

So money and job are going well, since my last post I've gotten to know more people at the office so I feel that I've now settled in nicely and work life is great! I just need to draw more. recently I've been feeling a little self conscious of my artwork, but I'm sure it'll pass and I'll be back to regular Chan in no time.. wait that means procrastinating.. uh.. scratch that...

I also moved to a new station since last time and I've got a good window view of the city outside but more importantly.. the mountains! the mountains look just stunning when the sun rises every time I'm here at work over night... *cries*

This isn't to brag or anything but we just got a new TV at the house for our MOUNTAIN of CONSOLES (ECHO echo echo...) a nice big ol 50" HDTV and it's.. well fantastic. Plus one of my best friends picked up a computer for it so now we've got computer games and animu to watch on it, but since I work so often I don't get to enjoy it nearly as much, but not entirely a bad thing!

you know what... scratch that.. that TV is the sex.. and I'm pretty much bragging about it anyway... new Command and Conquer 3, full graphic settings.. 50" inches of RTS goodness

Also last week, my bike needed major fixing (I had busted a tire tube but it needed reworking, by brakes weren't braking, my gears weren't gearing, and my handle bar was off kilter, it made for a pretty funny site riding that thing. So I took it in and didn't have it for a weekend. so I had to make it on foot. (Oh noes, the horror your thinking) But it was nice, just walking thinking, listening to music on a nice spring day, afternoon, evening. It was refreshing, but on the flip side, man did it take allot longer to get home then if I had my bike. normally 5 minutes tops, but 15 minutes.. especially when you need to go to the can.. is an eternity, so needless to say I was quite happy to get it back.

Also I don't see why people drive in this city. Unless your going somewhere far or off route, the public transit system is amazingly efficient. And besides... driving in this city is crazy, drivers are either slow or way too aggressive.. (damn Chinese... wait...) and the gas prices on the west coast are.. staggering. we might be one of the countries with lower gas prices on a global scale but man, 4 years ago I was fearing it would hit 80 cents... and now... 1.10.. screw driving, the bike is the way to go when your on the west coast. And with summer around the corner, theres no excuse.

So yeah life is back to normal, feeling much better! but I still need a GF... well maybe not need a... well maybe... ....

But other then that things are on the up and up. I'm looking forward to July when I go back to Ottawa to see family and friends, get a good opportunity to soak it all in before I come back and do the daily grind once again. Also looking forward to my friend Jarrett coming out to the west coast for a job. should be good times, plus he gets to sleep with the TV next to him.. that is.. if he'll actually sleep hahaha!

Anyway, life is good, nothing deep this time, thats why the title of this post is "And now for something completely different!"

Long time coming

Hey everyone out there who is reading this, probably not, I've been spending alot of time on Facebook and it's occupied alot of time I've been spending instead of posting here, so I'm back and I'll try not to neglect my blog spot.

Originally, I didn't post because anything because I was thinking, " How do I follow up my years end/ beginning post? It was pretty epic stuff (at least I thought) but then again... it's my blog I can post whatever I want so here I am with an update on life. Although it's not going to be as uplifting as my new years post, but hey, this is life.

Well, I'm working into my 7th month here at MFW, and work is good and life in general is good. Maybe it's just today I feel I have the winter blues (even though it's not much of a winter here in Van) or I'm just depressed. Why should I be though? I'm in vancouver, I have a job, and my friends are out here. But something is lacking.. and thats the feeling of being completed.

At work, I have friends, but just friends from work. I want to get to know people better, but I feel a distance in the depth of how much I know everyone. Everyone here has gone to school together, so everyone knows each other well. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. Thats why I try and go out every time the group goes out for dinner run to try and get to know everyone better, but I still can't help but feel distant.

Theres also a bit of office politics that I'm encountering. At least from the group I've moved into. Generally it's not all good, and I know where my place is in the group as the newbie, but this probably has something to do with the feeling left out part. where the rest of my group has been part of this for 8 months I've just come on board. And while I'm not going to get into it.. it's not exactly motivating to say the least...

Heh heh, maybe I'm in a state of depression... because I'm thinking as I'm writing this and it struck me that I might be depressed. I think the factors are a combination of lack of an intimate relationship, home sickness, the rain and low pressure system? Or all of the above.

When I see everyone at work talking with each other as I have my headphones on while plugging away at my work, while Chris my supervisor breathes down my neck... (with good intention) I can't help but feel home sick about my friends from animation and the fun we had. Not to say that it won't happen again, but theres that level of comfort I haven't reached yet with people at work, and it'll come in time I'm sure. But it's something I miss. I guess I was at a level of comfort I can talk to my friends at home about anything. And since I feel distant from people at work, I kinda miss the comfort of my friends from animation. And not just my friends from animation, my friend John and his family. I liked going over there spending time with the kids, talking with John about what new stuff he's going to buy, Misa preparing awesome food. Even being home, and my mom's home cooked meals. Wow... yeah I guess I'm home sick!

In terms of intimate relationship... yeah thats a toughie. I'm positive I'm just not assertive enough, I lack confidence, and my shyness. Just insecure in general. I really have no reason too be this way when I think about it logically. I have a good job, I love what I do, and I get paid pretty decently. However I choke alot or I miss chances. This past valentines day... wow.. I felt like the loneliest guy on the planet... I sort of half ass tried Lavalife but everytime I send a smiley no one replies. heh heh, It's like applying for jobs and not hearing anything back from anywhere, it gets quite disheartening after a while.

I see my friends who have girlfriends and I feel happy for them, yet at the sametime think. "Why can't I find someone that awesome?" I'm not even looking for the sex (at the moment... what... I'm a guy!) I'm looking for someone to talk to someone who I can share moments with and enjoy... haha sounds like I want to settle down hahaha! I don't know, but I do feel lonely in the relationship department... it's been a while since I've had a girl, and a LONG time since I've had a girlfriend..

I tend to also think that, " My work requires me for long hours of being there, so I wouldn't feel good if I couldn't give someone else the time and dedication that I feel they need and deserve" And that kind of thought also prevents me from getting into a relationship. Perhaps it's an excuse, but it's just who I am as a person, but maybe that aspect of me needs to change.

I dont know why it's bothering me so much these days.. Maybe since I'm working it's no longer something to think about, and I've moved on to areas of my life I feel are lacking... and these are what I think is affecting me right now.

maybe my next post will be alittle more positive, but in the meantime for the moment... I guess I'm depressed, but the best part is, these days will pass and so will these feelings. So I'm pretty sure my next post will be a positive one... or not, but hey.. thats life!

Resetting calender with a "new game +" called 2007

The title is a little video game pun, heh heh, (gad I'm a nerd)

Anyway, here we are, 2007. Do we feel any different from last year? Not really. But will it be as exciting as last year? probably not, but you never know?

Highlights from last year were, my sister getting married, and me moving out to Vancouver. Other highlights were cleaning up the pack rat house, and my mom closing her Chinese healing group she had created and FINALLY enjoying her retirement. I guess this year if you think about it. It's been a very family oriented year, something that hasn't happened in a while, and it's great.

I sit at my computer, thinking about all that has happened in the past year and reflect. (I'm also listening to BT (Brian Transeau) - Satellite, excellent song. If you want to listen to something as you read this, this is the song I'll have been listening to the entire time I wrote this post.)

What a wild year it's been. I mean every year has had something special, this year is just as nutty as the last.

It also had me wondering what will even happen this year. I have goals I'd like to accomplish this year, but really since this is the beginning, who knows what will happen. I sometimes envy the lives of people who can live it on the fly and by the moment, and every so often I try and do the same. But my tendency is to think it through well and plan things out accordingly, and well... it's gotten me this far so I have to be doing something right!


I decided to post that picture I did of *ahem* "myself"and I remember it well last year. At that point, I had failed animation. I knew it was something I wanted to pursuit, but I didn't want to go back again for another round. I had failed twice now, and with the new programs curriculum for the 3 year course (me and my class being the guinea pigs of the new 3 year) I decided that it was time I did it on my own. I had many friends fail out with me that were all going back, but that was it for me. Failing twice? I know when I'm beat.. on this field of play at least, but I wasn't going to let that stop me from reaching my goal.

At that time, I also had to consider looking for a job, I didn't want to bum it up and not make any money.

And well... like has happened before... I found myself at a turning point. A point where I had to choose.

After living out in Vancouver the previous summer, I knew that it would be the only place in Canada I'd consider moving too. So it then came down to a choice. Friends played a crucial role in my decision but also... it's Vancouver, a gorgeous departure from Ottawa's rather bland scenery and social scene.

I have expressed this before in previous posts. I have a love/hate relationship with Ottawa (city of origin) I like it in the retrospect that I regard it as a good city to live in... when you have a family. I have lots of friends there (2 to 1 degree's of separation, I swear) What I don't like about it was it's conservative nature, it's cold winters, abysmal night life (and even more abysmal was the attitude problem a majority of the women have in Ottawa), and it's primary industry... government. So it came time to choose.

That picture was sort of a representation of how I was feeling, and.. kinda what I was dressed like when I was thinking about it. (Winter, bumming it up at home) I tried to illustrate a "thinking" expression or lost in thought type idea. Again, I had reached a turning point.

I had a previous turning point back when I was in University. I was working and doing a university course I didn't like. It was a miserable time. I didn't know where my life was going or how I was going to lasso it down. I was working through a course that I slept through, wasting time and money. Working a job I was unsatisfied with. Until I finally broke free and went to College for animation, where I finally felt amongst the like minded, and ultimately, comfortable.

In fact, I don't really express this to everyone but, I'll share it to whoever reads this because who knows. Either you've been there, you haven't, or you'll call me a pussy or emo. To that I say " Your opinion" because these are my growing pains. My coming of age.

After about a year into animation the second time around, my friend Dave invited me out to the University bar which has pub night every Thursday. I decided to come out since my university card was still good for ID to get in. When I got there, and sort of had a chance to gaze around the crowd and take it all in, I realized I didn't fit in. And not that I didn't fit in, its like I had come back. Back to a time where life was guiding me. I lacked control and direction, I was lost. All these people seemed so confident in whatever major or pursuit they had in university. I never had that feeling ever when I was there. I suddenly thought back for a moment about college and how I had felt like I belonged, and how I was amongst people like me. And I suddenly broke down. I went out to the smoking section to a corner and was overcome with emotions. but not out loud or anything. Thinking about college made me reflect on the time I was at university and how completely lost and ambitionless my life was, and the feelings came in a tidal wave. It was like I had taken a step back in time, and it was to a time where my life was adrift. I was out there for a good 40 minutes until I went inside, told Dave I was leaving and then left. I haven't stepped back in that bar since then.

Perhaps when I look back at things now, maybe those tears were mixed with ones of happiness. Happiness in the fact that I had a place I could go back to and be amongst friends, classmates.. and the feeling of belonging.

To the people reading this right now.. if you have lived your life by the seat of the pants, maybe you can't relate to me. But for those who have been down this path, I share my experience with you. For those who haven't walked this path. If you can, avoid it. but if so, I hope that I would have been some help with this story of my life and my experience.

It's wild really... Reflecting on how things have worked out. Is there anything about the past year I would have changed? Nothing, and not for the world.

If there is one thing I can take from the people who live by the moment, it's that I have no regrets, no qualms. I seek to live today for today, and plan for tomorrow. So I say to you 2007, for whatever may happen in the year to ensue.. bring it on!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
- Family & Friends

When the dust settles

Well it would appear that I have a running theme going here with posts coming up around the 20-ish days of the month! So to go along with that trend, here's an update on my life as she goes. (You know, for my huge fan base of people reading this hahaha)

So, what has happened since I last posted? Well, to put bluntly? ALOT!

So since my last post I was seeking employment, not just your standard employment. Employment in the field that would be the beginning of the rest of my career in the entertainment industry.

So it was approaching time towards the end of November, I was at the tail end of my cash that I had saved. It was high time I got myself a job, only thing was, I wasn't about to settle. There are jobs out here in the west. Lots of jobs... You can walk around anywhere to any mall, any shop, any section of town, you see help wanted signs everywhere. But none of which I wanted. At this point in my life, I have worked many a job. From cubical jockey to tree planter. The problem with this is, those were all transitional jobs. Jobs that facilitated my life style and the pace of work that I enjoyed at the time.

Transitional jobs for some... can become regular jobs, or jobs that will rob the years away from what you intended to do in life. Sometimes, we'll get comfortable and settle for these transitional jobs, that tend to migrate from the "transition" category to the " lets try and build a retirement off of this" job, but not me.

It's amazing what the power of friends can do, and the people you surround yourself with can give you the power and motivation to do great things. Which is why I'm happy that I've been blessed with good friends, and always welcome good company. If your blessed with the right kind of friends, the ones that encourage you and aspire you to do more and go beyond, while at the same time have ambitious pursuits of their own, it's really motivating. And you'd be amazed and the people you meet and the places you'll go. (I think I'm starting to sound like a Dr.Seuss book)

So, I had worked on those pieces and posted them up here. I also posted them up on my portfolio site. And as I was finishing clean up on one section, I get an MSN from my friend Eric. Eric is a good friend of mine from animation. He had relocated out here for work as well, conveniently for me, in an animation company as well. Mercury Film Works. After he noticed that I updated my blog site, he checked out what I had posted and said that I should come in and that I was ready (Might I add that Eric is also a supervisor at MFW). So I finished up my work ASAP, made it out to a Staples, got a clear case folder, prepped my bag, got my sketch book, put on some nice clothes and out the door I went.

I arrived at the office late due to an address mix-up. But luckly everyone was cool with that. My interview went well... and it's funny that I think about it. For all the work I had put into my resume. To build it up to that point where I had a pretty crazy job list, even though my formal education was... well lets just say thats on hold until further notice.. the only thing that happened with it was. It was sorted into a folder for Human Resources employee reference and personal information. That's it. It was a little bit of, "Wow, I've entered into a work place that doesn't care about my prior job experience, it's all skill of animation." and whole lotta of, " Man that is freakin awesome!"

Needless to say, I've been at MFW for about a month and a week and I love it, it's great. The people are fantastic to work with. The office environment is really nice a refreshing (open concept office place) Everyday I go to work I feel challenged in my tasks and also learn something new everyday. It's great because, I haven't had this feeling of enjoyment from a job in a long time. Another thing thats nice is that it's a tight knit group. We're a pretty small team, and if you scale it against the Ottawa offices (Ottawa - 100 + staff. Vancouver - 30.. maybe), I don't know. It really give you the feeling that you're apart of something special. And too me, all these reasons above are what the defining differences between a job, and a career are all about to me. Something I'm willing to dedicated my life too. Well, not just to animation (thats a big part of it) but to animation and where ever animation will guide me. And I'm thankful that I'm fortunate enough to have that luxury to choose, and I realize that many people don't have that freedom of choice.

Anyway, working pretty much leads up to now, I've been working quite abit these days. Except for maybe Christmas break. Lots of time with the family which is fun and sometimes alittle frustrating at times, but it's family, how can you frustrated with them? I got to spend some quality time with my cousin Phil. Unfortunately, his wife is in the hospital, and has been since Christmas eve... My cousin Phil was very close to my dad, so we get along great, and we've had talks here and there about family which always interest me. It's always nice to learn something new, even if it's not good news about the family. It's engaging.

I hope I didn't gain a belt size or anything, because either way I'll have lots of left overs for a while...

Anyway, I kinda rambled on with this one. But either way, life is good. I hope it stays that way. And for those who I haven't gotten around to saying it too, I wish you a Merry Christmas, or Merry Pagan Holiday! And a Happy New Year to you as well.

I'll probably make a New Years post with declarations of the new year. (Wow, a post in less then 20 days?!) Lets see if this really happens!

And finally the part 2 that actually came! (check the previous)

OK so I decided to switch it up for this post and it's probably going to become my standard, maybe Im doing something wrong with the formatting but adding pictures doesn't go to the area of text just after what you wrote, it goes to the TOP of the post and then you have to drag it down through the post (or Im just lazy not going through the HTML part of the post) anyway...

OK so with all the characters I came up with. The coloured one (holy crap I COLOURED SOMETHING) is the take on the Dexter's Lab styled design, ultimately the easiest one to colour because of simplicity. It took me some fidgitting around with the colours to find something I was kinda happy with. The other character is named Erik, he's suppose to be the huge hulking mass thats the same age as the other 2 characters just he's xbox HUEG as the half assed size chart is concerned. I had alot of fun doing his facial expressions, and I like his character alot actually even though I put more time into the other two. I guess sometimes simple is better! I had by friend Jarrett go over my stuff and make suggestions to the designs and some issues for clean up. He also liked Erik, and you can check out a cool rendition he did of him on his website. (see links to the side)

Anyway, I'm on the victory lap of my portfolio, while I'm not totally happy with what I'm handing in, however I am confident that I can get an entry level animation position.

I've been worrying and procrastinating because of I guess my self esteem when it comes to my skills and level of ability in art is not as far along as I hoped. But I think through getting a job in the industry and working hard at improving my skills in my off time, it will help me to improve and further expand as an artist. modesty and willingness to learn being my weapons in the fight for a job.

I gotta at this point, even though I haven't got the job yet, say thanks to my friends and family for their continued support of me doing something like this. My family for agreeing to let me do animation (you know, Chinese families) and my friends for pushing me to keep moving and improving. I promise you all, I'll get there one way or another!

So.. about that update... Funny story, yah see...

Well it's coming kinda late but.. Hey! Better late then never right? ... Hello? This thing on?...

Anyway, I've been going through quite a bit these past couple of weeks. (multiple birthdays, regular bar outings, redoing PF stuff which is VERY TIME CONSUMING) However the biggest hamper the my schedule, I sprained my wrist which I couldn't use it for basically a week and a half. When your not working a week is a LONG TIME. I guess the nice thing is I got my Japanese copy of Phoenix Wright: Justice for All. Which kept me company for all of 3 days of that week... ahh I want the 3rd game to come out.. it's like that feeling after finishing up with a comic book and having to wait till next month to get the next one.. just it's the 8th.. which means you still have like 26 days left till the next issue comes out.. well sort of like that but will probably be a year... arrrghh..

But it might not be a bad thing considering that I actually need to work on my PF, on the flip side, its kinda bad that I picked up FF III and Children of Mana... oh gad the opportunities for procrastination... and the WORST OFFENDER!! Nintendo Wii and Zelda: The Twilight Princess! Man that game is great, and the Wii is a great system.. man I gotta stop playing that and the Wii Sport games!!

But enough of that! I actually have been getting work done! (no seriously here) So Im just going to post up my line clean ups on some characters I've been working on, and one coloured piece that I did for a very flat style, Dexter's Lab look. Anyway, here they are:

The first character is named Jake, I was just thinking of making a bunch of kids in it. All pretty young and I decided to give him a bat (don't ask me why, maybe Dead Rising has made a permanent mark on me) The second character is a girl, I called her Nancy, and I gave her a golf club. I figured I'd give the guy a bat the girls going to need something to slug at someone. So why not a golf club? Now I'd like to post more in this post but moving pictures around with blogger completely screws up format of the post, so Im just going to make another post with the rest of the character designs. This is the one thorn in this rose of a site, it's PICTURE POSTING ARRGHH! Anyway, enjoy these!

Day in the life of Chan Update! Part 1!

So I've offically been in Vancouver for a month now. How does it feel you might ask? AMAZING!! I really like this city alot! I have my close friends I've know for a long time out here, settling in and getting in with the even my friends friends couldn't be easier.

I do miss Ottawa from time to time, but Im pretty sure that it'd happen the same way as it does for both Dan and Justin who go back every Christmas. It's a city of gradual change, and the people... well dont change, it's an Ottawa thing.

Anyway, it's a picture update this time around, some update photos of the place, still no wall frame pics, I dont have that kinda luxury money. Later will come plants and wall mount pics. but in the meantime, heres some other pics.
ok so organizing format with this thing is quite possibly the most frustrating thing in the world. It's like pulling teeth to try and organize this shit...

Anyway. Some new update pics include:

Another shot of my room on the top right, this pic is the area next to my computer, where my dresser and bed are. My rooms not badly sized at all. Compared to my room in Ottawa it's abit small, but it's a good size so Im happy. The next pic on the right is the living room revised. More room up front for people playing games, couch is moved around and now we have a TV! How about that! I got a pretty good deal on it too, ($180 for a Sony Trinitron 27" /w stand) Next picture down doesn't really need much description. Thats the video game shelf. We got a DC, PS2, Saturn, SNES, Xbox. N64 and a VCR. The game cube is in the stand since we use it the most when we have people over. The last shot is a shot of Shayne's room from the other side, right next to his door he's got his table with his computer and his MOUNTAIN OF VIDEO GAMES AND VIDEO GAME PARAPHERNALIA!!!! (ECHO Echo echo). Anyway thats the most recent update, I dont think much is going to change for now. At least until I score a job.

In other news I recently setup my new site for my portfolio. My friend Jarrett had the right idea so I decided to do the flattering thing and copy his idea. the site is: http://cchanportfolio.blogspot.com/ which Im going to be updating shortly if not today. In the meantime it's going to be a double post day today on Chan's Blog Spot! as I have some new pictures to post as well. With that said, welcome to Part 1 of 2 of Chan's Blog's Update for Today!

Have you ever travelled time? While still counting the seconds as they pass normally?

Well they did for me! My last post was made on July 5th and only now October 5th (ohh the 5th again.. weird....) Did I last get to update my Blog. Well it's been a absolutely CRAZY 3 months, and it all went by in what seems by the blink of an eye. Drinking up with the boyz, working like mad, packing madness, airport madness, living arrangements madness, aquiring furniture madness, and now life drawing and portfolio madness.

Looking back at things this was a big move for me. leaving my family (My mom), friends, the comfort of a decent job and a vehicle to get around. It was pretty cushy to be honest. Just not something I'd like to do for the rest of my life. Which makes this move that much sweeter.

I've been in Vancouver since the 19th and I feel that I've settled in just fine! Since I've gotten here I've been to life drawing several times and feel that I'm improving. I'm learning Flash now, and generally I feel like Im on top of everything so it's a really nice feeling. I guess the only factor is... I still need a job. But thats not too bad, since I have so much time I can focus on my PF and have nothing around to distract me! besides the internet... (did I mention I have no TV? but the rest of the place is furnished?) Anyway. Since I know alot of people have been asking what my place looks like, here are a series of photos I took of the place. Welcome to Chan Pad!
(From left to right starting from top photos) my computer area/work/procrastination/creationstation center (part of my room). The Kitchen, the living room and dining table and the living room with a book shelf full of Shayne's movies.

Anyway, i'd like to keep talking but it's 7:13am so Im in dire need of sleep, but when I post again (which will be soon this time I promise) I'll be posting up artwork and stuff. So anyway, new life in a new city with new beginnings. For me, Van is where it will all begin!

*note* forgive my horrid layout with the pics.. they kinda didn't format the way I wanted them to go....

When the point hits home it hits HARD!

Well it's been a couple of days since I've updated so I'll go through whats happened for you real quick:

- Canada Day was crazy, and I got drunk
- Worked on Canada Day in the morning and I got a meaty double time and a half for it. The wallet is pleased.
- had to gas up the cars at crazy gas prices. The wallet is sad.

Yeah it's not a whole lot really, just another day in the somewhat mundane life of chris chan.

So today happens and I go into work and one of the guys on my team is leaving, he's moving to Calgary with his girlfriend and he's going out there to make use of his piece of paper he got from University. It's kinda sad seeing as how the team of guys I work with is pretty close knit, but the moment hit me on another scale. And that was that I am moving. I'm moving in 2 months and it's coming FAST.

It never quite hit me like this before I've been talking about it for a while, almost about a year infact. It just never sunk in that this was happening until it happened for someone else in my group. It's kinda nuts. Im moving away from home, from Kanata, from a place that I have lived for 23 years of my life (my life up to this point) and now.. it seems HUGE. I'm not too worried since I still have 2 months to pack stuff up (realistically a month and a half) and then sort out all loose ends, visit family, enjoy times with friends. I think the biggest factor is that the months have been moving at mach speed and it'll feel like yesterday when I wrote this and the next day I'll be saying bye to my house, my family here in Ottawa (Hell I should be saying east coast!) and getting on a plane to take the next step to the rest of my life. It's almost surreal, and Im pretty sure Im over analyzing it, but it feels like this is it, it's do or die sink or swim time. In fact it felt like my first priority was to put it up here on this blog what I felt at the moment so here it is! live and uncut feelings of anxiety and excitement all rolled into one... HOLY SHIT BALLS!

that is all..

oh yeah, I'll post up some more artwork soon either tomorrow or the day after.

Kick start my heart!

I actually wish Ouendan would come in and kick my ass to work

Well last night I went out with a bunch of the guys from animation to visit a friend who's in the hospital right now. It looks like he's doing alright, but he got roughed up pretty bad (he fell from a 3 story high balconey).

Anyway good day with the boys and chance to find out what everyone else is doing with their summer. Got a chance to talk to a good friend of mine Alec. Quick blurb behind Alec is kinda funny and sort of what Ottawa is like for me most of the time. 1 to 2 degree's of seperation.. literally.. Anyway, Alec is a friend of a friend who eventually became now my friend since we were both in animation. Alec and I share alot of the same battles and frustrations in life like fighting for motivation and finding out what we really want out of life and it's pretty nuts to find someone else that is in the same position as you.

- We're both older (like 23 - 24) and feeling like we're getting older and nothing is happening in our life.
- Have friends or people we know who are out there doing what they love or doing well in what they're doing, and end up feeling as though we're being left behind.
- lack motivation to start drawing due to work, lifes chores etc. but mainly work that leaves you dead at the end of the day.
- Lethargic at home and end up instead of drawing, surfing around somethingawful, 4chan, or some other black whole of quality time.

So inorder to get him motivated as well I've pushed him towards getting a blogger as well seeing as it's occupying alot of my time now wanting to keep it updated and keeping me motivated to draw. So once he chooses a name and gets everything setup I'll link to his site.

I also had a chat with my friend Dan about life in general. Dan one of my best friends, I've know him for a damn longtime (I think about 12 - 13 years now maybe?) Quick back story, Dan and I have been neighbours (across the street from each other) We share very similar interests but interms of games, he's a programmer and Im an artist. We are currently working on a game. What game? visit Orbis Studios on the side link for more info. Anyway, we had a good talk about just getting out there and applying for a job which is true, but he's also got a list of programming projects that he's worked on in the past thats allowed him to get to his current skill level. To make it comparible, Dan has put in his time and has dedicated himself to work on projects, where as I haven't so the gap in skill is obvious due to experience.

Just gotta keep on Givener!

Getting back on track

Well it's about time I started drawing again. I mean it is the purpose of why I started this blogger in the first place.

I think it's best I get this out of the way now since I'll be posting alot of work styled this way. I like anime, and I like the style they use for characters. Thats not to say Im a biased fan of the genre or style of art, hardly. I like disney, I like alot of north american animation and find that exaggeration and expression of emotion, plus fluidity of charater movement in north american animation (feature productions anyway) is king to that of what you can find elsewhere. (except of Miyazaki, his stuff is much the same, just very different in ideas and excecution) I mean I grew up with all the regular shows kids of the early 80's had, both the good and the bad. (Inspector Gadget, Ninja Turtles, COPS, heck freakin Care Bears) So it's not like I shun the stuff and swear by anime like it's the bible. It just happens to be my particular preference in character design, thats all.

It's not all hunky dory though, theres alot of times where I feel restricted in my style and that since I've been drawing it for so long it prevents me from trying other styles or taking on a more gritty north american comic book style. I'd like to be able to be well versed in all aspects to be honest so I'll be working hard to try and mix in a variety of work into this. I also need to go back to life drawing badly... I feel the lack of it is making my work rougher, even more so since I haven't been drawing in a while...


Ok so lets start out with these two pics. Both of these were done for anime north this year and while I was sort of happy with them at the time (I finished them the night before the convention) the kinda sad part is that its pretty apparent on where my issues lie. Just for reference, the first pic with "Ray=Out" on the top is from a show called Eureka Seven and the other pic is from a show called Full Metal Alchemist. Both shows I liked and had great animation for long running shows (roughly 50 eps each series)

First pic I should have put the hand in the back WAY back not as close to force perspective abit more. The hand up front on the board is TERRIBLE and really shows that I need to work on my hands... alot... The picture is suppose to be forced perspective and it really had my mind bugged when I was trying to do the board he's on so it's probably wrong all over the place, worst places being the board wheel (circular thing on the front) and the duct on the back which now stick out like a sore thumb. The foot thats on the front of the board you shouldn't be able to see, and now that I look at it again, the shirt should be curved up on more of an angle since hit body is going away from the board and the viewer.

The second pic the character up fronts arm is suppose to be going closer to the camera which makes the outlining thicker, however it just looks like it's HUGE instead of forced perspective instead. The fingers on the hand look like cocktail wieners (again going back to my lack of time doing hand studies) and.. what the hell was I thinking doing the metallic shine, it just looks corny.

I find that when I look back at my old stuff, I can hear my design teacher from animation saying, " You need more thumbnails, more structure, more reference.." And to be honest, he's right, theres still alot I lack, and it shows how amature I am through my work. But it's all stuff that I'm willing to work on and improve. Through friends and honest feed back from.. well anyone whos artistically inclined really would help!

But at the sametime in all this Im trying to rediscover the fun of drawing, and exploring new things... Algonquins animation program teaches you as much as they can from a, "You can get a job out of college" perspective and doesn't leave alot of time for personal style development. It's not neccessarily a bad thing, but it's just draining and for people like me who take time to become motivated into drawing, it sucks the life out of you.

My friend Jarrett Young have talked about this often. Jarrett goes to Sheridan College and is entering his 4th year, he's been a good friend of mine since HS and we talk and meet as often as we can. There are 2 fundemental things that Sheridan and Algonquin do differently. Sheridan allows you to explore and find different styles in your work, they let your creativity run free and animation can take a slightly laid back focus (but still teach you the principals) in comparison to character design and design style in general. Algonquin will give you instructions on animation fundementals and provide you with training for animation from the get go and let you gradually trying things out ONLY when you've grapsed the basics in order to prep you for a job once your done. Both programs are good, and ones not more correct then the other. Where Sheridan wins is through budget, facilities, avalible classes (such as extra life drawing) and reputation which can play a big or small roll whatever way you cut it.

ok I digress, I seem to be stemming topics here.. man who knew I could type this much in a blog.. cripes...

anyway, going back to things... the last one is the most recent.. and well.. heck it's not even done, but again I needed something to get back in the saddle so I whipped this up after watching a show called Nadia: The Secret of Blue Water (1989) the character on the left is leaning and one arm is longer then the other, the little girl up front is leaning and proportions are wacky, and girl on the right is.. well she has no legs... plus I didn't draw through at all so it's a mystery where her arms and legs are right now. It's not done, but I was done drawing it (dont feel like continuing it) Pretty cruddy way to get back on track. But as bad as it all sounds and how bad I put down my work, it's all constructive criticizim and things Im pointing out myself about my art work. Im not on here starving for attention saying stuff like, " Yeah my art sucks! love meeee " but at the same time I think it's good to know when you can point out and say whats wrong with your own work. It's better then saying, " I dont know whats wrong with it..." because if you say something like that you better
a.) get someone else to look at it
b.) get your eyes checked
c.) go back to school for art because chances are you'll need some instruction to slap you in the face about this.
d.) get a live journal account emo kid, where you and thousands of others can battle to the death for attention.

oh and thanks to the readers who made it this far in my... novel... fuck I gotta start cutting my post size down..

Ever get that feeling of dissatisfaction?

This I guess will be my first post where I rant, I don't have these all that often, just today maybe because I'm feeling lazy and unmotivated. Anyway, as I stated before that I'm moving out to Vancouver and right now I'm just biding my time working, and saving money. But theres something just unsatisfying about all this. I guess it's just anxiety, Im anxious to go to Van-city, I know what I want to do where I want to go, but as of right now dont have the means too (because I want to save a certain amount) so Im here.. at work sitting at my work station typing this disgruntled message. No matter how many car websites and video game websites I visit I just end up feeling unsatisfied because Im restricted by so much in life. While Im sure I'll get used to it when I move out on my own, right now it's just.. well stifling..Seeing a car you can't afford, getting a haircut that was only alright, waiting for a game to come out thats 2 months down the road.It's stupid since I have no reason to really complain, life couldn't be better really. Im working at a job where I make good money, I have a car to get around everyday, I have money to get things that I want (within reason) by anyone standard this is a good life. and for anyone that comes across my website who doesn't know me that well, I know your thinking, "Man what a whiney bitch!" Yeah, I can agree with you on that.. maybe it's just one of those days...

First time for everything!

Well it's come to this, I have a web blog.. who thought this day would come... My name is Chris Chan, Im a CBC (Canadian Born Chinese) and I have lived in Canada all my life. Im 23 and have dropped out of the animation program at Algonquin College and am now pursuing a career in animation. Ultimate goal is to get into the field of video games.

The reason I started this blogger is because I need something to keep myself drawing. Drawing has always been fun for me, but these days since Im working to save up to move to Vancouver, all I end up doing is go to work and go home, stew on the internet for abit watch a show and go to bed. It's kinda sad really hahaha!

Anyway, I hope to update this regularly as I'll be posting artwork up what will hopefully become a daily basis post. Feel free to drop me a line or leave me a comment and thank you for visiting my site!